Affirmation?

This is what I heard a couple days ago, and I decided that it is true, up to a certain extent.

Paraphrased: There is a reason to like everybody. If you don't like someone, that means you are not trying hard enough.

I am going to make a distinct effort to try harder. Unless the person is a war criminal or serial killer, then there has to be *something*, no matter how minuscule, that is likable about them. There are even things that are likable about criminals and killers... So, I am going to try harder, and I am going to put a noticable, forceful, pride-crushing (-my own) foot forward.

It is a bitch.

How do you describe a feeling that is in essence indescribable. It is composed of so many other feelings that you end up with this crockpot of a dish that has all slowly cooked into one indescribable thing. I am annoyed and fustrated, betrayed and challenged, and the list goes on and on.... I am tempted to do something that is irrepairable. I should feel comfortable and experienced enough to deal with this type of situation. Then I would be able to resolve the problem and would not feel the stress caused by this undescribable, but definitely mal-feeling. I like resolutions. I don't like problems. This is such a universally simple and 'duhh' statement. I am usually able to come up with a solution to almost any problem I encounter, be it cowardly or face-forward. I still have so many important things I need to learn....

roommates should come with a return receipt.

I wish I never let this one particular roommate move in. Let's call her "Miss. Ihaveabaseballbatrammedupmytightlyclenchedass," put succinctly. I KNEW she was going to behave like this when I was forced (due to extreme circumstances) to have her move in. She is the kind of person I would never be friends with let alone choose to live with. I want to ask her to move out, and I would except I don't want to deal with my incompetent autistic devil landlady. (I'm being very kind here). However, I am beyond seriously disliking this girl. I used to be indifferent with a glob of exasperation and annoyance added for good (or really bad) flavor, and now it has braised into a rotten hunk of dislike, impatience, with a side order of Ishouldhaveseenthisshitcoming-regret. This is a PMSing bitch that needs to remove her tampon because it is starting to decay inside of her (Gross, but accurate.) I have had bad roommates before. I have had dirty, disgusting, thieving, disrespectful, lying, accusing, refusing to pay rent, eatallofyourfood and useallofyourshit, roommates. Even with these past experiences, this girl still leaves you with a foul aftertaste, and the first taste is not that appetizing either. I used to like living with other people, but now I understand the lure of living alone. AND PEOPLE, this is one of reasons why I hate on certain ethnicity's!!! Just think, this one girl is my lone representation a specific ethnicity, and it is freaking ugly. So don't blame me, blame yourselves!!! Remember that you are representing! You are the ambassador for your culture, so don't fuck it up or forever, those unlucky people who are inopportune to live with you are going to hate all of your people!!! And every other nice person of your ethnicity they meet is just going to be an outlier, a fluke, a pig with wings, or the chipmunk that can dance.

Start of a New Day

My post today, which is (kinda) public is that it signals the beginning of a new day. In fact, every second in everyday can signal the beginning of a new day. More precisely, the beginning of new 24 period, which can be promised to quit any and all bad habits. Today is my new day, and I have promised to quit some of my numerous bad habits.

Gluttony

How bad is it to always over do it? Eat too much food? Waste too much time? Let the seams of your life slowly pop? Sounds like a good time. And then you wake up the next day full of guilt and regret. Wishing to turn back time, return to that fork in the life road of decision making, and take the other path....

There are some people that I wish I had never met. I say this thinking of one particular person. Maybe I trust people too easily and put too much faith in them. I know that I sometimes I have expectations that are too high. That's a failure of mine. People can disappoint in such a ridiculously enormous way. From now on I'm going to expect nothing. Then I will always be surprised. My life will be so much easier.

Friends

What I have realized during my time in graduate school is that there are many different levels of so-called friends. It takes time to learn the level of friend that an acquaintance has the potential to be. From there, you have to decide whether to continue on the path of 'friendship' with this person. This has been part of my graduate school education. I was naive in college. I assumed that the more you got to know someone, the better friend they became. Now, in graduate school, although the students are supposedly the cream of the crop intellectually, personality wise, its like a perverted rainbow. A side show carnival for the carny. You've got shit colored all the way the neon orange, to the bitchy bleeding girl trapped inside a 30 year old man's body. People are fubar. People are fake. People are rarely nice. I hate the word nice. It means nothings. Fuck nice. People are socially awkward. People can act so sweet that they rot your teeth. The more I get to know my fellow graduate students, the more I feel myself adjust to accommodate their deformed personalities. I say things I don't mean. Behave in a manor that I would not have several years ago. I feel like the kid that has been molested by the dirty uncle or priest. Or has been traumatized by the exhibitionist on the subway. I feel like I need a shower and a therapist. I'm not saying you can't find the real deal, but you got to do a lot of painstaking searching, crawling on your hands and knees, and don't forget to hope and pray, that somewhere, the needle is in fact, buried in the haystack. That you will find the fabled friend, and possibly a pot of gold, at the end of the rainbow. There are people you can hang out with to party, but are embarrassing and flaky in any other kind of situation. You've got the guy who's so cheerful and slap-happy in the hallway, but never invites you to any of his events. You've got the person who's friendly in the beginning, and then does a complete 170. You've got the people who use you till , poof! they disappear, because they found someone better. Graduate school is full of rotten vegetables, black mold, and dressed-up trash. I guess in our own way, each and every person is a whore, and we are mind fucking each other into oblivion.

Welcome

to the blog of an UCSD graduate student. I am an engineering graduate student, and I walk the walk through a field of flapping sausages. Not that I am implying size in that statement. Most can only boast an amuse bouche. However, let me preface this by saying that the size of the dick does not dictate the size of the ego. Like the preview for a summer movie that hypes using super cool graphics and non-stop action squences, while shamefully masking the idiotic plot (as well as bad actors), you can never assume the cocky funny guy will have the package to back it all up. Of course, I was excluding myself from the sample population. I've got the biggest, baddest, sickest, monster cock of them all, metaphorically speaking.